Top 10 Christmas gifts that will be given and immediately returned

Amanda (Twitter) over at GritFX answered the call when I pleaded with the world to give me a topic for a post on Twitter.  Thanks Amanda!

It was one of those moments where you want to write a post, but stare at the screen thinking “What the hell will I write about today”.

I have no schedule, no plans or topics that I’m building or working on at the moment, so it’s perfectly reasonable to take some topics from the audience, as it were.

So without further delay, here are the Top 10 Christmas gifts that will be given and immediately returned.

10.  A gym membership – If you are the lucky recipient of a flashy new gym membership, you’re probably being given a hint.  A not so nice one perhaps, but those rolls aren’t edible anymore.  Time to either cave in and change your life, or see if you can get cash back on the return.  If not, you can try standing outside the doors attempting to hock it to pre-new members before they get inside.

9.  Alcohol for the Non-Drinker – Some people just don’t think do they.  That bottle of Jack that was sent by cousin Ernie is nice, but too bad cousin Ernie didn’t stop to think that not everyone is a lush like him.  I can help you take care of this gift…I don’t mind, I’m a giver like that.

8.  Little Johnny’s New Drum Set – That’s right, your little boy has a new drum set that the hateful grandparents decided would be fun for the family.  Well it isn’t fun one bit once little Johnny starts banging on the drum set at 6AM because he’s overly excited.  Similar gifts might include a guitar or oboe.

7.  Anal Bleaching Cream – Anyone who has the balls (heh) to give Anal Bleaching Cream as a present is just asking for it.  It’s no joke, you might get a tub of this stuff one day.  What might you do with it?  Unless your the adventurous type that might be exposing your anus to anyone other than the kids you drop off at the pool, you’ll be returning this, if not throwing it away.

6.  Anything Religious – You make your own masters don’t you?  So why do people feel the need to share theirs with you?  Albeit this time of year is truly about peoples religions, but can we just get back to giving and receiving gifts that are not part of some religious ceremony?  We get enough through the rest of the year, so by the end of it, we’re hoping for something a bit more substantial, no?  God bless you.

5.  Cheap Jewelry – If you’re going to give it, give something decent.

4.  Anti-Wrinkle Cream – Nothing says “I love you but you’re looking a bit Shar-Pei’ish these days” like a nice tub of wrinkle cream.

3.  A short kilt – If you want to say out loud “Let’s see those swingers”, then perhaps a kilt that has been shortened is the gift to give someone.  Don’t be surprised if they ask if you kept the receipt though.  WARNING!  Do not give this gift to Uncle Chester!

2.  An alarm clock that won’t sit still. Need I say more?

1.  Fruitcake – Aunt Edna’s fruitcake might not be returnable, but there are several things you can do with a fruitcake other than returning it.  Besides, Aunt Edna’s feelings might get hurt if she knew.  So suck it up fly-boy, expect another fruitcake next year.

So what about yourself?  Ever get a gift that wasn’t quite what you would expect, from someone that should know better.

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