wayne on July 4, 2008
I did some pretty stupid and ignorant things when I was younger. Being the 4th of July, I thought it would only appropriate to share one of my most memorable, and downright idiotic 4th of July fiascos. Enjoy, and have a safe 4th of July!
Disclaimer
Do not try what you read here at home. It can cause serious damage to your hearing if not your limbs and/or life. I was incredibly lucky that I did no more than damage my hearing. No one would like to rush you to the hospital, especially when there is more beer to drink and things to light on fire. :)
Let's Begin, shall we?
I believe I was around 15 years old when 4th of July rolled around and I had the most inexplicable desire to go out, get hammered beyond belief and play with fire. I grew up quick living in Norwalk California, and it wasn't abnormal for kids our age to be drinking, smoking and partying it up like there was no tomorrow. After all, rebellion was my first priority, and I didn't care about rules at that time. (Ok, I still have the same issues, but I think I'm getting better...really!)
This particular 4th of July found me at a friends house who I really didn't consider to be a 'core' friend, but a friend and a nice, all-around guy none-the-less. We shared the same interests in business and computers.
We were hanging out, waiting for it to get dark so we could enjoy lighting a few things on fire. I speak figuratively here, I'm no pyro mind you. It's the 4th of July remember?
Out of nowhere we hear the largest BOOM I have ever heard in my life. It rattled the windows and the walls, causing us to wonder if we were under attack. We both run outside to find his neighbor in the middle of the street holding what looked to be a shredded trash bag. Odd, what the hell was that sound just then? And why is the neighbor in the middle of the street with a shredded trash bag? Odd.
Enter the Neighbor
We sauntered over to the neighbors house, beers in hand and ask what the hell that noise was.
He just grinned, looked around nervously and said, "Here, I'll show ya..." and proceeded to make his way back to his garage. He pulled from a drawer another large black trash bag. One of the Hefty models that you normally use for those deep trash cans. This bag was huge!
He took the bag and went over to what I now know were oxygen and acetylene tanks. He was a welder apparently, and had all the tools of the trade. He proceeded to fill the bag with a mixture of the two gasses, making the trash bag inflate to show it's real size and dimensions.
He tied off the bag to seal the gasses inside and set it aside. He then proceeded to make a tight cone out of a piece of paper and slid a wire sparkler into the cone, effectively making a dart.
He grabbed the bag, placed it in the middle of the street. The wind wasn't blowing terribly much, so the bag didn't move from it's location. When he grabbed a 4 foot length of PVC tube, I realized what he was going to do. He was going to light the sparkler, stick it in the PVC tube and blow dart the sparkler into the bag, thus igniting the gasses and causing the loudest boom you have ever heard. At least the loudest you may have heard on the 4th of July on a residential street.
With a 'phloomph' sound the dart sped from the other end of the tube, traveled through the air with a 'whif!', landed on the bag igniting it and creating a shock wave you could feel through your entire body.
Excellent!
It rattled the windows of all the nearby houses, and I'm sure they were not too pleased with their neighbor at this point, but he didn't seem to mind, and I'm just visiting. Let's party!
Enter Wayne in all his magnificence
Here's where the neighbor begins to get stupid, and like wise, I follow that stupidity. Sometimes stupid can be fun. Sometimes, it hurts like a bitch. This is one of those 'stupid hurts' moments that I'll never forget.
With a new bag of gasses in place and sparkler at the ready, my friends neighbor decides to step it up a notch. He takes an empty can of soda and fills it with gasoline. Then, as if he knew what he was doing, he splashes a little on the bag in the middle of the street and makes a line of gas to the sidewalk. He then places the can and the remaining contents between the bag and the sidewalk, thus creating what we all expected to be a double-play of fire and sound.
A fire was lit at the start of the gasoline line on the sidewalk, but the flames only went as far as the half-full (half-empty for you negative people reading this) can of gasoline. It spun and made a fluttering sound, but didn't quite work as expected. The bag never ignited, but the can was still on fire, but it seemed to be near going out. That proved to be incredibly incorrect.
With all the grace of a drunk cowboy I made my way to the sidewalk and announced 'I'll take care of this!".
My head was telling me that if I kick the can a little it will make it's way to the bag and we'll have our boom we so eagerly awaited. Unfortunately, fate had a different plan in mind.
As if I were a cartoon, you know the one where they are testing bombs by hitting the heads with hammers? Well, same idea here. I approached the can of gasoline, brought my leg back to give it a little kick and just like the ever so slight and gentle 'ting!' that sets off the cartoon bombs, everything exploded as soon as the tip of my foot met the can of gasoline.
The concussion from the bag of gas I was no more than 2 or 4 feet away from was enough to shell shock me and I began to stumble a bit. I was dazed, but I never fell down (I said manly), I just staggered from side to side a bit until my friend came and helped me to the other side of the street.
My ears were ringing with a high pitched squeal, my head was spinning and I couldn't hear a thing. It was quite enjoyable except for that incessant ringing in my ears that didn't leave for days. I was safe however, and Mom would be happy about that if she ever found out what I just did. I never did tell her.
Not surprisingly, I don't recall too much after that moment. All I know is that I made my way home and went to bed to sleep it all off.
In Conclusion
To this day I look back on that moment as one of my most ignorant and brilliantly stupid feats of amazement. I now have issues with hearing, and I don't think this concussion bomb and blasting Led Zeppelin over and over in headphones throughout my teen years ever did me any good. But damn was it fun!
Stupid is as stupid does, and my god have I done stupid well.
Enjoy your 4th of July, please be safe and don't do what I have done here. I was lucky, as I said in the beginning of this post. You may not be as lucky, but if you do try this, may the stupid luck fairy do a tap-dance on forehead.
Update: To give an idea of what the explosion was like, BigSpit on Plurk gave me a link to this video. While not a trash bag, it shows the nature of the explosion quite well. Thanks bud! I could not find one myself.
You can find more fascinating 4th of July and Canada Day stories like this over at BloggerTalk.net.